What the fuck am I doing? 10/27/25

Something that will (probably) become aparent as progress continues to be made on this site, is that I have OCD. It extends to many, many different parts of my life. Some more than others. This is something that I'm sure I'll get into in future journal entires. The reason I'm bringing this up now is that the site is just starting out and the current state is driving me up the wall. My nature as a human being requires everything that I put effort into doing be perfect or close to perfect. Or something like that. But this site is an exercixe in me learning to be ok with things not being perfect. Or fuck, maybe not even good. I've been so focused on making something "perfect" for so long, that I have't "finished" anything. I've been so hyperfixed on the final package of something (wheather it be a book, a music album, whatever), that I've lost sight on the process. This site will always be a an imperfect work in progress. And I have to learn to be ok with it. The coding will be a HUGE learning curve. And so will be making whatever content I do for this site. But I want to learn. I really do. I'm sick and tired of being stuck in this cycle of making unfinished, unpollished work, giving up halfway through, and scraping it alltoether. I have a deep desire to make. I deep desire to learn. I don't care if anyone sees this. I don't. I'm glad if you're reading this message. I really am. But this is for me. Now all I gotta do is a whole lot of cooking on it. Wish me luck, I'll fucking need it.